WHY CANNOT THE GIRLS AND BOYS BE JUST FRIENDS ?

Friendship is universal. It is everywhere, between humans, young and old, irrespective of their sexes and social status. Animals too, many of them by nature, are friends of man. Even the wild ones can be tamed and socialised to be friendly. Books, though inanimate are said to be friends of man. Then, why do we doubt if boys and girls among themselves cannot be 'just' friends? Boys and girls are part of the dynamic core of the society. They are vibrant, adaptive, open minded, receptive to new ideas, creative in activities and bursting with energy for action. They are the future in the making. To make friends easily with others is an excellent quality in them. Friendship is an exciting outcome of the socialisation of the child. At the pre-school stage, in the nurseries and infant classes, the little boys and girls easily mingle together, make friends, even fight and cry at 'apples of discord' only to be friends soon again. Distinctive hairstyle and dress code give them a sense of segregation between boys and girls. Yet, they are just friends. By the time the boys and girls are through the primary, secondary and high schools, they are fully conscious of their completely different roles in the society based on their biological differences. Their behavioural pattern has changed by now. They are already subject to interaction of social and biological forces. Modern social scientists believe 'that far more of human behaviour is caused by biological forces than once believed.' The question becomes more obvious 'can boys and girls be just friends' under the pressure of biological forces?

Any relation for that matter and particularly boy-girl, man-woman relationship is controlled by social customs and laws prevalent in any society. Excepting in some tribal societies, a boy-girl relationship is under the watchful eyes of the elders. The social laws and practices are the results of accumulated wisdom over the ages. They are laid down for the harmonious existence and progress of the society. One cannot just ignore these laws in the name of unbridled and uninhibited freedom of sexes. Boy-girl friendship is highly vulnerable to sexual contacts. Willy-nilly, conscious or unconscious, if one likes it or not, the biological forces (the nature's laws of preservation) will take the better of the social taboos and reservations from the opportunities that arise. Lack of opportunities alone will prevent eventualities. The girl is the most open victim of friendship. Such situations are calamitous to Indian families.

The world is progressing. It is the age of liberalisation and globalisation. Most of this progress what they talk of, is the result of industrialisation, fast development of science and technology pioneered by the West. However, one must pause and think, if the Western social values of sex (and consequent progeny) are good for the mankind or not? In United States, one, out of every three marriages is on the rocks and end up in divorce. Cohabitation or live-in relationships has become common in the West. The Western affluent mother may be able to support the offspring, but, the social stigma may turn unbearable to the child resulting in undesirable traits in his character as he grows up. It's a sin to the child. The Eastern cultures and societies do not take kindly to co-habitation.

Dating between boys and girls is another institution of friendship encouraged in the West. The motivation is yet to find a suitable partner in life by a trial and error method of less consequence than co-habitation. The more the numbers in the opposite sex who ask for dating one, his or her prestige and self esteem goes up in the peer group. Dating is acceptable in Western societies as the girls and boys are more individualistic, and the stability of marriage and the family squarely depends on the two partners. It is not so in the Indian society as the stability of marriage is a lot dependent on the elders in the families; the parents', aunts' and uncles' counsel will prevail. Here it needs to be mentioned that the live-in relationships is getting prominence these days.

To sum up, the core issue of boy-girl friendship lurks with the danger of sexual overtones. The human behaviour is a lot biologically inherited than culturally and socially shaped and controlled. Though fiction, Arundhati Roy's characters Estha and Rahel, the twin brother and sister "…broke the Love Laws. That lay down who should be loved. And how. And how much."

Times have changed and the work culture in the offices has also been depended on the co-operation between the both the male and the female sexes. Without been friends with both the sexes the male & the female included, it is impossible to complete our work within the stipulated time. Yes, the boys and girls can be just friends and this is indicated on the occasion of Raksha Bandhan!